Don't Dream Too Big
by choirgeek
Summary: Mimi comes to New York for answers. Instead, she ends up losing herself as she becomes an exotic dancer and a druggie. Will she ever be able to reclaim what she once was?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own RENT or any of the original characters. I do, however, own the characters I create (duh).**

**AN:This was an idea I had floating around in my head for a while, I don't know if I'm going to continue it. Reviews would help me make this decision! Let me know what you think!**

Chapter 1: The Audition

"Shit," she said as she glanced at her watch. She had just dropped out of high school. _No_ she thought_ dropped out isn't the right way to put it…_ Her mother couldn't afford to keep both her and her younger brother in school. Jose deserved a chance. _He's so much smarter than I am._ So three weeks ago she had packed her few belongings and made her way to New York City. She didn't have a place to stay and was squatting in a vacated lot with twenty other people.

Now she was on her way to a job interview, her tenth that week. No one would hire her, a sixteen year old high school drop out. Every time she lied about her age, but no one would believe her.

Stopping in front of a building, she pulled out a worn, grimy, tattered newspaper clipping. _This is it…_

She walked through the doors and followed the signs on the wall. Entering a large room, she surveyed her surroundings. Tables and chairs were scattered around the floor. Bars lined the edges of the room. Neon lights flickered on the walls. A large stage was in front.

"Hey little girl," a big beefy guy with arms the size of trees said, "this is no place for kids."

"I'm here for an audition," she said hopefully.

"How old are you?" he raised an eyebrow behind dark sunglasses.

"Eighteen."

"You don't look a day older than fifteen."  
"I'm eighteen," she replied stubbornly.

He sighed, "Do you have the clothes?"

"No," she looked at her feet, scuffing her shoes on the floor. Her big toe poked through a hole in them.

"You can use the extras back stage. Auditions are technically closed, but for a sweet thing like you…" he grinned.

Taking a hint, she purred, "Thank you."

"Hey! Charlie! I've got another for you."

"Auditions are closed. You know that Antonio."

"This one is worth taking a look at."

"Fine. Name?"

The beefy guy named Antonio looked at her.

"Mimi Marquez," she said.

"Mimi."

"Be ready in five minutes!" Charlie called.

Antonio led her to the dressing area and then left her. Mimi grimaced as she looked at the options. All of the clothes were skimpy and would barely cover her. _This is what I get for auditioning at the Catscratch…_

She settled on the black one that looked like it would cover her the most. She threw on a pink silk robe and a pair of spiked heeled boots. _Hooker boots. _She wobbled a bit before getting the hang of the shoes. _Here goes nothing._

She made her way to the stage entrance and called, "Ready!"

Music started and Mimi paused for a minute to sway her hips to the beat. Tossing her hair, she put a coy smile on her lips and made her way on stage. A railing separated the upper level of the stage from the lower. To the beat, Mimi straddled the railing, hooked her ankles together and lay back. _Oh my God, I'm going to fall!_ She untied the robe and used what little stomach muscles she had to raise herself up from the bar without using her hands. As she arched her back and let the robe slid off her arms. Swinging her self back over the railing, Mimi made her way over to one of the poles and slid down.

For another five minutes, she flaunted about the stage, showing the owner of the strip club more of her than she ever wanted to show a man. As the song ended, Charlie leaned forward and asked her, "Honey, how many places have you done this at?"

"Five," Mimi lied without blinking. She had never done this before.

"I could've sworn it was a thousand. You're hired. Be back here at six tonight, your shift ends at two, with a twenty minute paid break every two hours. The Catscratch is elite in this town. You get thirty an hour plus tips. Don't ever let me catch you drinking or fraternizing with the clients any more than is necessary. Other than that, I don't care what you do. Do you have an outfit of your own?"

"No," she gulped. _Thirty an hour!_

"Until we can order you a custom outfit, use the spare on hanger number 47. Take it with you, tonight you can put it in your locker and leave it here."

"Thank you."

"Those boots are yours until we can get you new ones. Be here by five thirty so that you can get yourself ready."

"I will." Charlie dismissed her. She went back and found hanger 47. It was one of the skimpiest outfits and was red with rhinestones.

At five thirty, she made her way to the employee's entrance. She used her new key and found her way to the dressing room. Fifteen other girls were in front of mirrors, applying heavy eyeliner. Mimi, without a dime to her name didn't have any makeup.

"You must be the newbie," a busty redhead smiled. She had startling green eyes. "I'm Gretchen. Everyone out there," she jerked her thumb in the direction of the stage, "knows me as Bella."

"Mimi. I don't have a stage name."

"We'll call you Kitten, for now. How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"You can't fool a pro like me. How old are you really?"

"Sixteen."

Gretchen grinned, "Don't worry, I started at fifteen. They don't care. As long as you can lie well enough to fool the cops. Do you have your outfit?"

Mimi held up her hanger.

"Best get changed. We go on in a bit."

Glancing around, Mimi's eyes widened as she saw girls _changing_ in the dressing room. Mimi tucked herself into a corner and quickly changed. Once she had on her clothes, she felt as naked as she had when she was changing.

Gretchen called her over, "Let's do something about your face. You're pretty, but you need to look like a whore on stage. Pretty won't do."

Mimi sat still as layer after layer of makeup was added to her face. Gretchen fluffed Mimi's hair until she actually looked like a whore.

"Is that actually me?" she asked looking in the mirror.

"No," Gretchen, no Bella, her demeanor had changed. "That's Kitten staring back at you."

"Let's go girls," a tall blonde said.

"Franki, or Candy out there, she's the leader," Bella explained. "Follow my lead. Tonight is free dance. Tomorrow you get to learn some choreographing. Just remember, when you are out there, you are Kitten. Mimi is at home reading a book."

Mimi nodded and followed the other girls.

The night seemed to drag on forever. It took all of her will power to not flinch when the men in the crowd touched her bare flesh to slip her tips. Mimi was repulsed with herself. Never had she thought that she would stoop so low.

_It's just for now…I'll quit as soon as I have enough money to live on._


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original RENT characters.**

**AN: Thank you to those of you who reviewed! Here is the next installment. Enjoy!**

Chapter 2: Hooked

Two months later, Mimi had a nice apartment and enough money to live comfortably. But she couldn't bring herself to quit. She soon found that it was easy to learn the dances. She learned to detach when she was on stage. She performed the dances without thinking, her mind blank.

Once or twice she considered quitting, but Mimi couldn't leave Gretchen, who quickly became like an older sister.

One day after work, Gretchen came up to her, "You want to come back to my place and have some fun?"

Eager to find out what went on at the dancer parties, Mimi agreed.

Upon arriving at Gretchen's apartment, she found it in not much better condition than her own. Surely Gretchen could afford better than this!

"Okay girls, did you bring the dough?" Gretchen grinned. "I got the goods."

All of the girls forked over a fistful of dollars to the redhead. Everyone except Candy was there. Mimi soon found out that she never came.

"What's going on?" Mimi asked.

"Since it's your first time, I'll waive your fee," Gretchen winked.

Frowning, Mimi followed the others and sat in a big circle. Placing herself on Gretchen's left, she watched as Gretchen filled a needle and injected it into her arm. A small smile crossed Gretchen's face as she passed the supplies to the girl on her right. The needle made its way around the circle, being refilled by every person. Finally, it reached Mimi.

She stared at the needle in her hand. She was scared of needles, ever since she had seen her best friend Rosa full of them when she was in the hospital at eight years old…

Gulping, Mimi did what she had seen the other girls do. Not wanting to be the only one sitting out, she put the needle to her arm winced inwardly as the point bit into her arm. She closed her eyes as the drugs started to take effect.

Mimi sent a portion of every paycheck home to her mother with a simple note that always read, "For Jose's school."

Every week after that, the girls rotated the hosting house. Gretchen always supplied "the goods" as long as you paid her for it. Mimi was nervous about having it at her place. About two weeks before it was her turn, Mimi began to watch Gretchen closely. She was looking pale, sweating all the time. Her eyes, once full of life, now were glazed over all the time. Gretchen brought gloves that past her elbows to hide her track marks. But whenever she took them off backstage, Mimi saw that they were getting worse.

"Are you okay?" Mimi finally asked her.

Gretchen smiled halfheartedly, "Don't you worry about me. I'll be fine, you take care of yourself Kitty-Cat."

"Kitty-Cat?" Mimi smiled.

"I figure you been here long enough to get a promotion, soon enough you'll be up to Catty."

Mimi watched Gretchen slip her gloves back on and make her way back to the stage.

The next day, they were working on a new dance when Gretchen excused herself to go to the bathroom. Fifteen minutes later, she still hadn't returned. "Has anyone seen Gr-Bella?" Mimi frowned.

"No," Candy shrugged.

They spread out in search of Gretchen. It was Mimi who found her first. She was just outside the door, lying on the asphalt. "I found her!" she called. Quieter, she said, "Come on Gretchen, let's get you to a chair." She tried to lift Gretchen up. Gretchen remained still. Mimi lowered her to the ground again and started to shake her. "Come on. Wake up. Come on!"

Candy knelt behind Mimi. She put her fingers to Gretchen's throat. A low sigh escaped her, "She's gone."

"What? How?"

Candy showed Mimi the track marks on the redhead's arms. "Most of the girls are social shooters, they only shoot up at the parties. Gretchen shot up at least three times a day, never using a clean needle. I'll be willing to bet you she was HIV positive, and that any of the other girls could have it."

Tears gathered in Mimi's eyes as she looked down at her friend.

Candy put her hand on Mimi's shoulder, "She wasn't the first, she won't be the last. That's why I don't go to the parties."

Mimi looked at Candy questioningly. The older girl smiled sadly, "Traci, or Hope as she was the last before…" she looked down at Gretchen. "That's the reason you got to audition here."

"What do we do now?" Mimi whispered.

"We call the police. They take over from here. I'd better tell the girls we're done for the day."

Mimi went home and collapsed on her bed, she finally let herself weep for Gretchen. She had been Mimi's only true friend at the Catscratch. Candy's words rung in her ears. _HIV? Could I be sick? I don't feel any different… But still, maybe…Don't be ridiculous Mimi, you're fine._

Over the next few weeks, Mimi returned to her job, adopted Catty as her official stage name and tried to go without her "goods". She soon found the last part impossible. She was hooked. And there was nothing she could do about it.

One night, Mimi called in sick. It wasn't necessarily a lie, she was feeling sick. Only, she was going through withdrawal, not the stomach flu. She made her way to a nearby park. She was on a mission, she needed her goods. She couldn't do with out them for any longer.

The cool night wind forced Mimi to pull her jacket closer around her. Even though it was a warm night, Mimi felt cold everywhere she went. It was the worst when she was half naked on stage.

Arriving at the park, Mimi bit her lip and looked around. She had found out about this man from someone at work, Laurie, stage name, Ginger. Finally, Mimi saw the man she was looking for. He was busy with another transaction. Mimi watched his current customers. One of them was a female who dressed on the punk-rock side. The other was a man. Not just any man, but the most attractive man Mimi had ever seen. He had blonde, spiked hair and wore clothes that could only belong to a rock and roller. Mimi longed to talk to him…

No. She would stay where she was. This man obviously had already found what he was looking for, based on the fact that after receiving his goods, he gave the girl next to him a big kiss on the lips. Besides, what would a guy like that want with a girl like Mimi?

After watching him walk away, Mimi approached the drug dealer. And thus began her own, addiction, the one not just of using, but of buying.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the original RENT characters.**

**AN: I know I haven't updated in forever, I'm sorry. I rewrote this chapter at least ten times because I knew it was kind of like a space filler and I didn't want it to be boring. Then my internet went down and well...it's up now. Thank you to those of you who have stuck with it! Enjoy!**

Chapter Three: Falling

As the weeks wore on, Mimi fell deeper and deeper into her addiction. The days grew shorter and the nights colder. Ever second she was on stage was a second Mimi wished for a better life. More than once she considered quitting the Catscratch. Who needed a life of flouncing around on stage? Who needed an environment that only made her addiction worse? She knew she should stop shooting up, but she couldn't it felt too good and it was the only way she knew how to escape the horrors of her life. So why didn't Mimi quit her job and change her life? The answer was simple: Jose Marquez.

The portion of Mimi's paycheck that she sent home every week was the only thing keeping her brother in school. If she quit her job, Mimi would lose that income. She would lose Jose's future. She wouldn't let him end up like her: living in squalor and buying drugs every chance she got. Here she was, sixteen years old and living in hell. She couldn't let Jose go through that. Ever.

So Mimi endured. She lived day to day, regretting every decision she had made since moving to New York City. The only positive for her was the mystery man. The blonde man with whom Mimi found herself oddly attracted. She had never gotten within twenty-five feet of him and he had never laid eyes on her, but she knew that he was something special. However, he was always with the girl. Always.

As Mimi felt worse and worse, her old fears came back to her, could she be sick? No, that wasn't possible. She wouldn't get HIV, she just had a cold. But the persistence of her illness forced Mimi to go to the doctor's office for a checkup.

When the results came back, Mimi stood frozen in time. It couldn't be real. She would wake up and laugh at her own stupidity of having dreamed such a horrific dream. But it wasn't a dream. Mimi had not only HIV, but AIDS as well. She was going to die. Not now, not tomorrow, but sometime before Jose, who was nine years old, would be old enough to graduate high school, she would most likely die.

The thought was not a pleasant one for Mimi. When the doctor told her about a place where people like her met, she was reluctant to go. _What does he mean people like me? People with AIDS? People who have no one else? Or people who are trash?_

Mimi went into work that night wishing for a better life more than she had wished for anything in her entire life. She didn't want to work at the Catscratch. She didn't want to never see Jose. She didn't want to live in squalor. She didn't want to be addicted to drugs. She didn't want to be sick. But those were the cold hard facts of Mimi's life. And she was going to have to live with them.

Candy walked up behind Mimi as she was applying her makeup. "What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" Mimi asked, a frown on her face.

Candy sighed, "I thought you were going to be okay. I thought that you would have learned from Bella. I guess I was wrong…" A bitter sweet smile crossed her face, "I've been wrong before. I just hoped this time I wouldn't be. You're to young for this kind of life." With that said, Candy drifted off, a sad look on her face.

Mimi paused with the blush brush in her hand. Was it that obvious that her life was spinning out of control? Candy had basically just told her that she looked like a druggie and that she was in for the same fate as Gretchen. _No,_ Mimi told herself, _I won't let that happen. If I die, who will pay for Jose's schooling?_

Mimi took the next weekend off and went home to visit her family. For the longest time, she stood at the door, wondering whether or not she should knock. She shuffled her feet on the ground, her anxiety growing every minute. She had left a note on the kitchen table before she came to New York City, but she had never said goodbye. Would her mother have that bitter tone she always had when Mimi did something wrong? Would Jose ever forgive her?

"Mimi, _¿eres tu?_"

Mimi spun around and her eyes softened, "_Si _Jose, it's me."

Jose ran up to her and flung his arms around her waist. If he was surprised by how thin Mimi had become, he hid it well. His arms were in a death grip around her and Mimi laughed as she returned the intensity of the hug.

"How have you been? _¿Comó esta mama?_"

"Mama's okay," Jose said as he let go of his older sister. "She misses you. Come inside and talk to her."

Reluctantly Mimi followed her brother inside.

"Mama, look whose here."

Her mother turned around from where she was cooking dinner. "Mimi?" she breathed. "Is it really you?"

Mimi nodded, "I'm here Mama." She walked over to her mother and gave her a big hug.

"What has happened to you Mimi? You are skin and bone! Why are you wearing that coat, you must be sweating."

Before Mimi could argue, her mother had stripped the coat off her arms. Visible beneath her ratty T-shirt were her track marks.

Her mother's eyes which had been so warm and inviting the moment before now turned cold and hard. "I see you have been busy creating a new life for yourself."

Jose frowned and came closer to get a better look. Before Mimi could fold her arms and hide the evidence, he saw. "I thought you wrote that you were living a better live in New York!"

"It is better!" Mimi defended herself.

"How is this better?" her mother demanded.

"Because by making a living in New York I can guarantee that Jose doesn't end up like me! If I could do one thing to make my life better it would be to ensure that my brother leads the best life he can possibly have!" Mimi grabbed her coat from her mother's arms and ran out the door.

She heard Jose following her calling, "Mimi!" but she didn't stop. She had to give him a better life. If that meant taking herself out of the picture so he wouldn't have a bad example, she would have to make do.

On the slow train ride back to the city, all Mimi could think about was trying to wipe the look of horror on Jose's face out of her mind. And the only way she could think of to erase that memory, was to fall even harder into her convoluted life. She delved deeper into drugs and detached herself from work and even life. All so that Jose would never fall like she had.


End file.
